April 2002 Newsletter

High Noon Running on Drugs?

An anonymous source, identifying himself only as Deep Foot, has come forward to accuse the local runners of the High Noon Athletic Club of using performance-enhancing drugs. After running with the group on and off over the last year, Deep Foot felt the time was right to come forward. "I can't sit by and watch these people make a mockery of the local, regional, and even national running scene," he said. "I'm especially worried about the younger runners, since they might not see the danger in performance-enhancing drugs when so many other top local runners are using them. With all the recent outstanding performances at our track meets, it's hard to know just how far things have gone."

When pushed for evidence, Deep Foot offered example after example. "Evidence? It's everywhere, and anyone who can't see it either blind or stupid. Just look at what some of the High Noon runners did in the last year. Jim Miner ran so many marathons that no one but him could keep track, even running two in a weekend more than once. During all of this, he kept going on about how he recovered from injuries better by running more! How is that not evidence that the man is loading up on something? And that "nose injury" he talks so much about. I mean, get real - clearly he's sniffing whatever it is, and that's causing the problem with his nose. I can't see how people believe his silly "I ran into a tree" story."

Miner isn't the only one who is running through injury with a bit of chemical assistance, though. Lorrie Marnell clearly falls into that category too, with all those distances races on top of her Achilles tendon problems. They'd put anyone else under the surgeon's knife, but with enough pharmaceutical aid, Lorrie's managed to avoid the operation so far. But it is catching up to her, and the fact that she has taken some time off for the first time in eight years could be anindication that she's seen the error of her ways. I hope she'll use her position as president of the Finger Lakes Runners Club to take a stand against these substances."

"Those are just a couple of the more obvious examples," said Deep Foot, "but there are numerous other ones. There's Casey Carlstrom dropping his mile times significantly while trying to cover it up by talking about Jack Daniels training and wearing a heartrate monitor. There are Rick Hoebeke and Herb Engman, emaciated and losing their hair from years of taking these drugs, but unwilling to give them up and kiss their age-group-winning performances goodbye. There's Sarah Hale - she seems so nice, but doesn't it seem a little odd that she should have gotten her mile times down so quickly? There's Adam Engst - he shows up from nowhere and after an uninspired race or two is finishing behind only Casey and Rick. There's John Hylas running speedwork constantly because he's too hepped up to run any slower and then bouncing off to detoxify for a few months in Hawaii. And there's Bruce Roebal... 'nuff said."

Although it was difficult to argue with Deep Foot's observations about the High Noon runners, the evidence he presented was purely circumstantial, so I pushed for information about where the drugs were coming from.

"Initially I thought it was from John Saylor," he said. "He's a musician, so he's playing late night gigs all over the area, which would be perfect for drops, and he's also not running at the level he used to a few years back. He claims he just can't compete at that level because of his age and the hours he keeps playing gigs, but it made more sense that he'd wised up to the drugs, weaned himself off of them, and was just acting as a supplier."

Deep Foot paused. "But now I think it's Jim 'Vinnie' Bisogni. No one seems to know what it is he does for a living, and despite the fact that he doesn't even compete in most races, he's almost always around. And although he pretends it's all a joke, you get the sense that he really could get Frank and Guido to come break your kneecaps. He's the reason I'm keeping this anonymous - people stop running at noon with the group all the time, and I don't want to end up like that."

"Even if it's not Bisogni," Deep Foot said, "It's definitely someone in Ithaca. Rick Cleary has been away since last summer, and much of the news that comes back from him is commenting on how much weight he's gaining. It sounds to me like he's having trouble getting enough of whatever he was taking to increase his metabolism and improve his racing performances."

"But whoever it is," he went on, "I finally got some hard evidence the other day. Chris Mansfield, Terry Delany, and John Whitman have been doing these long Sunday runs, so I went out to where they leave Gatorade at ten miles or so. I snagged a sample of it, and sent to a lab. The list of chemicals in that witches' brew was as long as my arm."

In the interests of a fair story, I contacted all the people Deep Foot mentioned, but all were evasive, refusing to comment, with one exception. I caught up with Rick Hoebeke, who reportedly calls himself "Coach," on the Cornell campus, where he said in relation to Deep Foot, "If we ever find out who this little pissant is, we'll take him out to Monkey Run and fit him for a pair of concrete training shoes." When I pointed out that dumping someone in the creek off the Monkey Run bridge would probably only get them wet to the waist, Hoebeke threw a tennis ball at my head and sprinted away.

Deep Foot's list of chemicals from the doctored Gatorade was indeed long, although I haven't yet found anyone familiar enough with the chemicals to interpret it. Derek Dean, a biology graduate student at Cornell and High Noon runner, refused even to look at the list. "What do you think I am," he replied when I asked, "a chemistry student or something?"

But even without the final, damning evidence, I have to agree with Deep Foot that this information can wait no longer. Today is the day it must come out, and today is the day the world can decide if the long-standing success of the High Noon Athletic Club is simply the result of constant training and hard work- or not.

--Avril Fuehlstag

[Assistant Editor's Note: The preceding story was slipped to me under a slice of pizza during the last FLRC board meeting, with a note that said, "Of all the people here tonight, you are the only one who obviously has never "drunk the Noonade", judging from your race times. Trust no one: not even alleged non-Nooners like Alan Lockett and Diane Sherrer. Just ask yourself how Alan could possibly manage to volunteer AND run all those trail races. It gives a whole new meaning to the term, "top Stonehead"! And Diane Sherrer---the woman's idea of turning 50 is to race up Pikes Peak in midsummer! The current board is packed with people with suspicious amounts of energy. So I urge you to lead a coup to overthrow the FLRC board, under the slogan 'Just Say Slow'. I will be in touch again soon when you least expect it. The truth is out there!" Though not necessarily on APRIL FOOL's DAY. . . .]

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