Outrunning Father Time

The week after Boston, a community 5K in Lancaster is not exactly dazzling race report fare, but, I mean who else am I going to share my racing experiences with, 250-pound pharmaceutical product managers who smoke?

The 6th Annual Haddassah Race against Breast Cancer winds through an uncharacteristically hilly residential community in what used to be corn fields before their previous owners, some cagey Amish farmers, sold out and now probably are all smoking their clay pipes around azure swimming pools in Sun City, Arizona.

What makes 5Ks particularly intriguing for me these days is that every one I do is probably the first one in which I'm not going to break 20. Today's race was a prime candidate because, all of a sudden, it was 85 frickin' degrees here after an unusually cold spring. Putting on my High Noon singlet today--like me, a little tattered at this point--I do remember when it was brand new...at a Skunk Cabbage about 8-9 years ago run in similar conditions. In the weeks leading up to that race, we'd been running at noon in classic early spring conditions (e.g., 30s, 40s, etc. and sleet) and then, oddly enough on SK Sunday, that first weekend in April sometime in the early 1990s, it was at least 90 degrees and change. Well, it seemed that hot anyway, and I really do remember lurching past people crouched on all fours yakking on the side of Tower Road that day.

This was almost as much fun, especially due to an unusually l o n g 2nd mile. The first mile split had me at 6:10, which felt about right. The second mile was indeed the hilliest part of the race, but imagine my chagrin when the friendly neighborhood timekeeper at the 2-mile split shouted out, "14:01... looking good...go for it!"

As I said, I had a feeling this was going to be my first 20+ 5K but damned if it was going to be my first 21 and change. Fourteen minutes down and 1.1 miles to go?! I sped up. Actually, that's much too kind a characterization. Let's just say, I started to look more like a demented Mennonite in purple singlet and shorts being chased by Beelzebub. At any rate, I refused to look at my watch any more during the race for fear of getting terminally depressed. Cresting the top of the hill marking about 300 yards to go, I was feeling good enough to reel in this long-legged young fellow whom I'd been chasing for the past half a mile or so. As I passed him, I remember thinking, well, this will be my first 20 plus 5K, but I've never been passed in the last 200 yards of a road race and at least that record will be intact.

Well, I turned out to be batting .500 on those predictions. About 100 yards from the finish, my long-legged prey dusted me so fast, I remember actually feeling a breeze. I guess the sight of a gray head 10 yards ahead of him was more than he could bear. On the brighter side, I did manage to coast in at 19:53, so I've held off the inevitable 20 plus a few more weeks, anyway.

And no, for those of you who are paying attention, I didn't do a sub-6 last mile. No way. The post-race consensus was that the "2nd mile" split was at least 90 seconds high. The guy was probably standing at 2.2 or thereabouts.

The only other memorable thing about today's event was some pre-race chatter I heard while awaiting the gun. Two guys next to me were trying to cut the tension by talking about beer. One of them noted, "I heard they are coming out with a new beer that has brain cells in it so you can replace them while you drink." I think one difference between Ithaca and Lancaster is that in the former, that remark might have been greeted with a raised eyebrow at least. "Cool! Where do you get it?" said the other one.

-- Ken Zeserson